Loneliness Among Others

Do you ever feel alone, even in a room filled with people—some people you know,
some people you don’t know—some you may like, some you might not like. Whatever,
the situation, you wonder why it is that you feel so alone despite people physically
around you. I suspect many people may feel this way at times, even if they don’t want to
admit it. In my clinical psychology practice, I often hear such confessions.

Why do you feel lonely among others?
Certainly, this may just not be the right group for you. You may ask yourself if you are
unsociable yet you feel like a friendly person. You may ask yourself if you are unworthy
of connections. You wonder if you are not interesting yet you are well versed on several
topics. You wonder if you are not smart enough yet you know you are fairly intelligent.

Recently, a friend shared an article by Bob Waldinger, MD entitled Why Loneliness Can
Exist Around Other People based on his book: Hidden in Plain Sight. Dr. Waldinger
maintained that some loneliness does not present as loneliness on the outside. A
person can seem like the life of the party but may really be lonely on the inside.

What types of jobs can be very lonely?
There are jobs that that require people to work alone for hours, such as truck driving,
night security, and overnight shift work. According to Dr. Waldinger, “online retailing
employs millions of workers. Even packing and sorting in a fulfillment warehouse —
where there are plenty of coworkers — can be lonely. The work is so fast and furious,
and the warehouses so vast, that many workers on the same shift may not even know
each other’s names. There is little opportunity for meaningful interaction.” Did you
realize that when people feel disconnected from others at work, they are literally
spending most of their waking hours alone?

What other times can people feel lonely?
Some people report feeling lonely at a party. Even if they know other guests, they feel
ill-at-ease or like they don’t belong. Sometimes people feel lonely in a crowd. They
might even feel lonely within a marriage. Even busy people with extremely social jobs
can feel lonely. Some people seem to delight in hundreds of social media “friends”. But
are these really friends? Are these meaningful relationships?

What are some adverse effects of loneliness?
Dr. Waldinger was involved in a Harvard Study that revealed many adverse effects of
loneliness. There can be emotional, psychological, and physiological pain associated
with loneliness. People can be more sensitive to pain, have suppressed immune
function, worse sleep, and higher mortality rates. Did you know that recent research has
shown that for older people, loneliness is twice as unhealthy as obesity?

How can you combat the symptoms of loneliness?
One very important way to combat loneliness is to develop an appreciation of your own
company. It is helpful to engage in solitude activities that give you fulfillment, such as
reading, writing, music, art, dance, cooking, and hiking in nature. Another good way to
combat loneliness is through meaningful connections with people around you. Take time
to really make eye contact and engage others with a smile. People may experience
reciprocal enrichment.

The bottom line is that it is not the number of people you know or the number of friends
you make. It is the quality of the relationship.

►The best way to combat loneliness is through meaningful relationship with
yourself and others.

Reference: Waldinger, R. (2026, Jul 20). Why loneliness can exist around other people.
newsletter@robertwaldinger.com.